Keep Jesus At The Center Of Your Relationships

God created humanity good, but when we entered this world, we discovered that sin, circumstances, environments, experiences, family patterns, disappointments, and trauma can shape the way we think and relate to others.

Finding healthy patterns isn’t always easy.

Sometimes it takes years to understand yourself to recognize why you respond the way you do, why certain things hurt you, and what patterns you carried into adulthood without even realizing it.

That’s why relationships require grace, patience, wisdom, and growth.

Whether you’re married, dating, or experiencing difficulties with someone you love, keep Jesus at the center.

Putting Jesus first doesn’t mean you won’t have problems. It means you have a foundation for dealing with the problems when they come.

Two People Can Love Each Other and Still Be Different

Relationships are complex because two people can come from completely different worlds.

Different families.
Different experiences.
Different communication styles.
Different expectations.
Different wounds.
Different levels of maturity.

Sometimes you’re not fighting the person. You’re encountering patterns that were formed long before the two of you ever met.

And sometimes another challenge develops:

One person keeps growing while the other person refuses to grow.

Imagine one person developing at a college level while the other remains emotionally in preschool. Eventually, the distance between them becomes difficult to ignore.

Some marriages and relationships aren’t prepared for what life will require 5, 10, 15, or 20 years later.

Love has to mature. Communication has to mature. Character has to mature. And both people have to be willing to grow.

Remember Everyone Isn’t Meant to Stay Together

Every struggling relationship shouldn’t automatically end, but every relationship shouldn’t automatically continue either.

Don’t make permanent decisions from temporary emotions.

Slow down. Pray. Listen to your heart. Examine yourself honestly. Get counseling or wise help when necessary.

Give yourself enough time to distinguish between a difficult season and a destructive pattern.

Some situations can be healed and deserve another chance.

Other situations need to end.

Especially where there is ongoing abuse, violence, manipulation, serious danger, or repeated destructive behavior, staying together should never become more important than someone’s safety.

I remember hearing about a married man who repeatedly committed adultery with married women. His choices created tremendous conflict and enemies around him.

One day, while he was washing his car, a man connected to one of those relationships confronted him and stabbed him multiple times, killing him.

That’s an extreme and tragic example, but it reminds us that our relational choices have consequences that can extend far beyond the moment.

Sin doesn’t remain neatly contained.

That’s why wisdom matters.

Build on the Right Foundation

As a pastor, I’ve seen many relationships begin without the proper foundation.

If we’re saying that Christ is the foundation of a Christian relationship, then both people need to be willing to build according to His way.

“Whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock.” Matthew 7:24

When two people genuinely strive to become a team, work together, put God first, forgive each other, communicate, and remain teachable, it becomes much easier to fight together through life’s challenges instead of constantly fighting against each other.

I Had to Learn This Myself

I don’t teach this as someone who has always gotten relationships right.

When I was in college, I rushed into a relationship.

I was young and immature. We both loved God, but loving God didn’t automatically mean we had developed the maturity necessary for marriage.

There was pride. There was immaturity. There were things about ourselves we hadn’t learned yet.

The marriage didn’t last a year, and we divorced.

I had to learn the hard way.

That experience taught me something I’ve never forgotten:

Loving God is the foundation, but we still have to grow up.

We have to learn ourselves. We have to learn how to communicate. We have to deal with our pride. We have to recognize unhealthy patterns.

And we have to become capable of loving another person beyond our emotions.

Five Principles to Help You Navigate Relationships

1. Keep Jesus at the Center

Don’t just ask God to bless the relationship. Ask whether the relationship is being built according to His principles.

“Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it.” Psalm 127:1

Let love, kindness, forgiveness, humility, truth, and service become the foundation.

2. Learn Yourself Before You Blame Someone Else

Before asking, “What’s wrong with them?” have enough humility to ask:

“What is happening inside of me?”

Your reactions may be connected to experiences and patterns that existed long before your current relationship.

Self-awareness can save you from blaming another person for wounds they didn’t create.

3. Don’t Make Permanent Decisions From Temporary Emotions

Anger can speak loudly. Fear can speak loudly. Loneliness can speak loudly.

But loud doesn’t always mean wise.

Give yourself time to pray, process, seek counsel, and think clearly before making life-changing decisions.

4. Pay Attention to Patterns, Not Just Promises

Everybody can apologize. Everybody can have a good week.

The question is: Is there consistent growth?

Don’t judge a relationship only by what someone says they’re going to become. Pay attention to what their repeated behavior is showing you.

Grace gives people room to grow, but wisdom recognizes patterns.

5. Know When to Fight for It and When to Let It Go

Some relationships are experiencing a difficult season and need prayer, counseling, forgiveness, patience, and another chance.

Others have become persistently destructive and need to end.

Wisdom is learning the difference.

Don’t stay simply because you’re afraid to leave, and don’t leave simply because you’re tired of working.

Seek God. Get wise counsel. Examine the fruit. Look honestly at yourself. Look honestly at the other person. Then make your decision from clarity not emotion.

Give Your Relationship a Fighting Chance

Don’t look for perfection.

Look for two people willing to grow.

Keep Jesus at the center.

Let His love, kindness, humility, forgiveness, wisdom, and service become the pattern for how you treat one another.

And remember:

Some relationships need another chance.
Some relationships need counseling.
Some relationships need time.
And some relationships need to end.

Wisdom is knowing the difference.

A healthy relationship isn’t simply about finding the right person.

It’s about two people becoming healthier people, growing together, and learning how to walk in the right patterns.

CHRISTIAN OUTREACH CENTER (COC)
Love • Kindness • Leadership • Connection