INCREASE YOUR PEOPLE IQ

How You Treat Others Is One of the Greatest Indicators of Your Maturity

You can have a high IQ and still have a low People IQ.

You can be educated, gifted, successful, spiritual, and talented but if you don’t know how to communicate with people, value people, understand people, and handle conflict, you can damage relationships that were meant to help you grow.

People IQ is the ability to understand yourself while learning how to understand and interact wisely with others.

Jesus said:

John 13:34–35 — “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you…”

How we treat people matters to God.

Here are five principles that will help you increase your People IQ and treat people better.

1. STOP ASSUMING YOU KNOW PEOPLE’S MOTIVES

One of the quickest ways to damage a relationship is to create a story in your mind about why someone did something without ever talking to them.

You know what they did.
You may know what they said.
But you don’t always know why.

Ask questions before making conclusions.

Proverbs 18:13 — “He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.”

Communication can correct what assumption exaggerates.

People with a low People IQ often judge intentions without conversation. They respond to what they think someone meant instead of discovering what the person actually meant.

Sometimes one conversation can destroy an assumption you’ve carried for months.

2. LEARN TO MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS

Being angry doesn’t give you permission to become destructive.

Being disappointed doesn’t give you permission to disrespect people.

Being hurt doesn’t mean every response you have is healthy.

You can have a legitimate emotion and still choose an illegitimate response.

Proverbs 16:32 — “…he that ruleth his spirit [is better] than he that taketh a city.”

Proverbs 25:28 — “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.”

A city without walls was vulnerable to attack. In the same way, when you have no control over your emotions, words, reactions, or impulses, you leave areas of your life unnecessarily exposed.

Your emotions are real, but they don’t have to rule you.

High People IQ means learning how to respond instead of simply reacting.

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is wait before you speak.

3. RECOGNIZE YOUR BLIND SPOTS

Everybody has blind spots.

There are things other people can see about us that we cannot easily see about ourselves.

That’s why mature people don’t immediately reject correction.

When the same issue keeps appearing in different relationships, don’t automatically assume everybody else is the problem.

Ask yourself:

“Is there something in me that needs to grow?”

Psalm 139:23–24 — “Search me, O God, and know my heart…”

You can change jobs and carry the same pattern.

You can change churches and carry the same pattern.

You can change friendships and carry the same pattern.

You can change relationships and discover that changing people didn’t automatically change you.

A new environment doesn’t automatically produce a new life when you bring the same uncorrected patterns into it.

Self-awareness is one of the foundations of healthy relationships.

4. DON’T REDUCE PEOPLE TO THEIR WORST MOMENT

People make mistakes.

People have bad days.

People sometimes speak incorrectly, make poor decisions, fail, disappoint us, and need another opportunity.

You wouldn’t want everyone defining your entire life by your worst decision.

Give people the same grace you want extended to you.

Ephesians 4:32 — “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

Notice the standard:

Be kind.
Be tenderhearted.
Be forgiving.

Kindness isn’t weakness.

Kindness is evidence that you have enough maturity to possess strength without using that strength to unnecessarily hurt people.

Correction may address what someone did without destroying who they are.

5. LEARN HOW TO ADD VALUE TO PEOPLE

Don’t enter every relationship asking:

“What can this person do for me?”

Sometimes ask:

“What becomes better because I’m in this person’s life?”

Encourage people.
Listen to people.
Celebrate people.
Teach people.
Connect people.
Help people discover their gifts.
Speak life into people.

Philippians 2:4 — “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”

Great relationships aren’t built only on what you receive.

They’re built on what you’re willing to contribute.

YOUR PEOPLE IQ CAN AFFECT YOUR OPPORTUNITIES

Doors can remain closed when your People IQ frequency is low.

Sometimes we assume every closed door is spiritual warfare, rejection, or somebody working against us.

But sometimes the issue is relational.

People may recognize your gift but struggle with your attitude.

They may respect your ability but have difficulty trusting your communication, consistency, character, or emotional maturity.

Your gift may get you into a room, but your ability to value and work with people can determine how long you remain in that room.

You cannot pray for greater influence while refusing to develop the relational capacity necessary to handle greater influence.

Sometimes God doesn’t need to change the people around you.

Sometimes you need to increase your capacity to deal with people.

CONNECT WITH PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND RECIPROCAL VALUE

As you grow, start connecting with people who understand reciprocal value.

Healthy relationships should not consistently consist of one person giving, encouraging, calling, supporting, investing, and sacrificing while the other person only receives.

Reciprocal value doesn’t mean everybody contributes the same thing.

It means everybody brings something meaningful to the relationship.

One person may bring wisdom.
Another may bring opportunity.
Another may bring encouragement.
Another may bring connections.
Another may bring experience.
Another may bring loyalty, consistency, and genuine support.

Healthy relationships aren’t always equal, but they should have value flowing in both directions.

Stop measuring relationships only by how long you’ve known someone.

Longevity doesn’t automatically mean compatibility.

Familiarity doesn’t automatically mean fruitfulness.

And history doesn’t automatically mean that someone belongs in every season of your future.

Begin recognizing whether your relationships are producing growth, wisdom, accountability, encouragement, opportunity, and mutual respect.

YOUR PEOPLE IQ CAN GROW

You don’t have to remain the communicator you were five years ago.

You don’t have to handle conflict the way your family handled conflict.

You don’t have to repeat unhealthy relationship patterns simply because they are familiar.

You can evolve.

Learn how to communicate.
Learn how to listen.
Learn how to apologize.
Learn how to receive correction.
Learn how to manage your emotions.
Learn how to add value.
And connect with people who understand reciprocal value.

Your spirituality should improve how you treat people.

Your wisdom should improve how you treat people.

Your success should improve how you treat people.

Your leadership should improve how you treat people.

The higher you go, the higher your People IQ needs to become.

Sometimes the door isn’t locked you simply need the relational maturity to walk through it and remain there.

Increase your People IQ. Increase your capacity. Increase your relationships. Increase your opportunities.