What the Holy Spirit Taught Me
One of the most important lessons the Holy Spirit has been teaching me is this: we give people too much power over us when we always answer their questions directly..
Some people aren’t really asking because they want understanding… they’re asking because they want you to move on their timing. They want you to feel pressured, rushed, or obligated. If you don’t recognize it, you can end up living your life responding to other people’s desires instead of walking in wisdom.
Questions Can Be Pressure
People can be very strong when it comes to getting what they want. They may keep asking, change the wording, guilt-trip you, or act offended when you don’t respond how they expected.
But the truth is, if you don’t learn the power of “yes” and “no,” people will start acting like they have authority over your time, your emotions, and your decisions.
The Child Asking for Money Example
It’s like when a child keeps asking you for money, but they didn’t clean their room or finish their chores.
So when they come and ask, “Can I have $100 to go to a party?” the first thing you should say isn’t “okay.” The first thing you should say is: “Let’s focus on cleaning your room and doing what you’ve been assigned to do.”
If they keep asking, you don’t keep explaining. You just say “No.”
Because if you keep giving while they keep ignoring responsibility, you’re not helping them you’re enabling entitlement.
Why Being Direct Builds Respect
Some people struggle more with you because you don’t know how to be clear. When you aren’t direct, people feel like they still have a chance to push you into agreement.
Clear boundaries remove confusion.
And confusion always creates pressure.
Being direct doesn’t make you mean. It makes you mature.
This Happens Most With Family
For many of us, this shows up the most with family. You love them, you want peace, and you want to help. But love without boundaries will wear you out.
Challenges happen and mistakes are made, but at some point, you have to teach people how to respect you. And it starts with respecting yourself.
Loving People Without Carrying Their Problems
Respect starts with self-respect. That means learning to control your emotions so you can respond in love without losing your integrity.
And here’s something many people need to remember:
you are not responsible for other people’s problems.
Especially if you have a heart of gold, people will always try to pull on that part of you.
Pastor J’s Growth: Pause Before You Answer
I’m Pastor J, and I’m writing this because I truly love people. But this was a major area in my life where God had to make me self-aware.
Now when someone asks me to do something, I pause. I don’t let their urgency force my answer. I don’t let their emotions pull me into agreement with their words. I stop and think before I speak.
Because when you agree to something and don’t keep your word, it creates guilt and pressure. Over time it can silently diminish your favor, your credibility, and your influence.
Stop agreeing too fast and start listening more deeply.
Be still and silent long enough to become wise.
Proverbs: Wisdom and Understanding for Boundaries
Proverbs 4:7
Wisdom is the principal thing therefore get wisdom and in all your getting get understanding
Proverbs 14:15
The simple believes every word but the prudent considers well his steps
Proverbs 13:16
Every prudent man acts with knowledge but a fool lays open his folly
Proverbs 19:20
Listen to counsel and receive instruction that you may be wise in your latter days
Proverbs 21:5
The plans of the diligent lead surely to plenty but those of everyone who is hasty surely to poverty
A Real Story: The Mom Who Couldn’t Say No
I remember hearing about a single mother with five children who didn’t know how to tell her kids “no.” She loved them deeply, but love without training became a trap.
Every time they asked for something, she gave it. Every time they demanded, she sacrificed. She spent all her money trying to please them instead of teaching them discipline and structure.
And eventually, they ended up on the streets and in a shelter not because she didn’t love them, but because she didn’t lead them.
That story is heavy, but it teaches something real: if we don’t train early, our children often suffer later.
Parents: Forgive Yourself and Grow Stronger
To every parent reading this, hear me with love: forgive yourself for what you didn’t teach when they were young. None of us are God. We’re learning as we go.
But don’t let guilt keep you weak. Believe they can still become teachable now, and they don’t have to keep suffering from what they never learned at home.
Closing Thought
Being direct doesn’t mean being rude. It means you’re growing. It means you’re becoming a person of wisdom, peace, and self-control.
Love should never require you to lose yourself. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is pause, think, and say no with integrity.
Small Prayer
Father God, thank You for teaching us wisdom and strength. Help us to slow down, listen, and respond with love and clarity. Give us the courage to set healthy boundaries and the humility to stay kind while doing it. Teach us to say yes when You say yes, and no when You say no. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Becoming Stronger: Stop Answering Everyone’s Questions Directly
